HISTORY
1.2.19
feeling alien
not alien like you don’t belong here
alien like i was ripped from my bed in the dead of night in nothing but a scrubby night gown and no modesty
ripped from the inside to scratch out some life scar-tissue and replaced with incredulity and pain
alien like, waking up the next morning and not being able to look anyone in the eyes
like after so long, finally understanding what hardnened the women in my family
knowing it
and wanting desperately to un-know-it
seeing pitty in their eyes you poor monster tainted stained and othered
like everything should be fine now, right?
there’s pain in here
bits of yourself sharp like shards beneath a microscope slide
cutting at your insides
imagine, stepping on glass from within
there’s nothing poetic about this
it’s messy, and ugly
its shameful, humiliating, heartbreaking
sterile until it isn’t
covered in blood and mucus and tears and
back on earth
a little less human
a little more other