9.5.20
CIVIL.WARS
i guess what i’ve been trying to say this whole time goes a little something like this:
i don’t believe the antidote to shame is honor, or pride for that matter.
when bathed in recognition – shame comes out sopping honesty
to hell with Gemini. The fucker left me empty handed anyway.
instead I carry the qualities sunlit by Aquarius and ascended by Aries
a left-leaning combination of water and air so fired up with a need for action, it often breaks before it bends.
to shine channels between the skull and the rib-cage i light the candle at both ends and hope wax crumbles are thick enough to pebble stone my way back to center.
there are days when the weight of duality eats at the people like me. people like me. the people burning fumes on borrowed fire. Those of us who know it’s better to die on your feet than spend your life on your knees. we’re the megaphones and echos of voices muffled, we’re shadow puppet wall turned mirror, the ones who carry the weight capitalism, greed, and selfishness discarded on the road.
i guess this is where the honesty comes in.
the price of living for humanity, is sometimes having to run from humanity. i may carry a spear, but my arms are too weak for shields. When the bough bends and the body breaks; i lick my wounds for days in books and poetry. i feed the heart-fish, and let my mind thunders quake the body asleep. sometimes for hours, sometimes days, or weeks.
i’m sorry. i know i should learn to crawl before i run. i’m sorry again, for not really being sorry the first time. or the second time for that matter but im a messy person. my person is messy i mean, i toss my person laundry under the rug of endurance, the closet of exhaustion, and sometimes in your face.
i will do this, over and over until i learn to take my lessons neatly folded.
maybe that day i’ll run for office.