Author: admin

~ admin

HISTORY | India

2.5.20
you taste like saffron and burgundy
painted caramel and texture
a tightrope for wind to lean on

smells of rose water smog
northen star when youre lost and directionless
each street unlocking a new savor of bravery
sweetened of awed-melancholy

this way, the universe sat waiting to become,
quietly, in the ether of space and time

fear is a gift – don’t be scared to see what it teaches you

~ admin

CIVIL WARS

1.29.29
smoking guns point less and less towards two lovers
when its me with the barrel to myself
trigger happy –
don’t worry, i can’t predict me either

this isnt about you
this has never been about you
dont ever say i didnt gave you fair warning

you were looking through the wrong end of the telescope
comatose waiting for this to grow

~ admin

SUGARDADDY

1.14.20
i see the Slytherin boy now
the one with multiple skins
even when theyre guaranteed a wardrobe

there’s something in you that omits
only bringing to light your triumphs
claiming work as your own

the subtleties of bringing others down
to build you up
are not lost on me
letting your ambition guide you

that’s the difference between you and i
brave enough to build you up to your potential
while you flaunt sequin that’s not your own

its in the simple things
the small actions
in the face of determination when you shine
your most sly underhand

~ admin

BIRD

1.8.20
picnic melodies and tinker bell laughs
youre right in so many things
wait five minutes for the next urge
using your legs to make your heartbeat fly
look at you
delivering promises of inspiration
friendships change
and im so lucky
to have struck gold at then end of your rainbow

~ admin

1.3.20

DANCER
youre my first and last fuck of two years
the first meal i cook with tenderness falls on your lap
with gratitude and grace
youre willingness and kindness
carving joy into my laughlines
sculpting me into better

i speak deeply of you – so far out of this world
hubble cant see reach

if i told you, she walks two steps away from my heart with every packed bag
every selfish action
things you sense but don’t know
the way my mother sense beauty in your presence
pride in our love

what would you do?

i want to tell you these things
how she breaks my heart everytime i leave
how i fought for a small place for you in our mirror
stained with shampoo and hair curling products
and i shatter at her silence
date nights turned half smiles her face only lit up with the shine of a cellphone screen
her fingers trace those keys more often than my skin
on my hands
cooking meals delivered to no one
throat too sore for a gentle goodmorning
but fingers willing for paragraph conversations elsewhere
i feel exiled from the first place that feels like home
pushed away to make room for someone else
every night feeling her presence more and more foreign

if i told you these things
would you rejoice? or would your heart brake with mine.
what kind of person are you.

~ admin

1.2.20

CIVILWARS
im slowly displacing
pushed out of my home, bit by bit
the way she takes over the bathroom while im fighting for a toothbrush holder
youre quick to compensate
“look how far i’ve come” she says
all the while im packing my bags three days a week so you can
sleep in your own bed
like any good mailman does
moving between housing bearing messages and resentment

but maybe im just to sensitive
you tell her
but you did not tell her – we split bread together
shared a roof, built a home, enjoyed a friendship
quick to ruffle your feathers
arrogant, selfish, and nearsighted

i tried forgiveness – but forgiveness tastes bitter
when shoved down your throat the way you shove me out of the house

if youd shown remorse – this would be different

early new year celebration
because you have too

because what you want doesn’t matter

for fuck’s sake – i need space
get a room, leave the country, something
you are suffocating

~ admin

FOOL(S)GOLD

1.26.19
an actor with a tick and a bartender with forward canines
their eyes – both pray and hunting
palm reading our laugh lines
your stomach line
says you are full
as does your content line

~ admin

DANCER

12.22.19

im sorry i said waltz was stiff

What i meant to say was

you move like magic

and nobody, not even the rain

Can dampen how i feel for you

~ admin

FORTUNA

12.19.19
maybe i was too harsh, calling you an abuser like that
words have weight – after all
heavier than breathlessness in my chest cavity that
empty spot you carved in my navel
dagger eyes digging for answers
you dont know the questions too
its dark in there, darker than this black lip
this bruised cheek
you wear as a trophy
so much so a little
gas-slighting
to shine your way to some type of remorse

i digress
repentance has always been to much to ask of you
too selfish to see beyond
fires of your words
do you know what its like?
hiding the shame of my bruises from my friends
hiding the shame of incompetence at work
hiding the shame from my other lover

so yeah,
maybe i was too harsh