History

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12.27.16
DDay
there are worse things, you know?
realizations and tight chest
you play by the rules
a bit too well –
don’t touch me there, don’t touch me like that
don’t touch me.
shock value when you
are escorted from your conformable.

i was supposed to be collected by now
a level of simplified –
but a few stray teeth went wrong
knocked off routine i’m swerving
collecting pockets of old lovers
and building new inches for the upcoming seasons

quality intimacy.
i’ve spent too much time clinging to mercy
i’ve got time to kill in a taboo world.

fucking not cut out for predictability.

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12.24.16
a much needed sleep
im a fool guided off the cliff
knowing a collection of pillows
line the canals.
this darkness is not intimidating
instead it hums my tribulations a lullaby
soothes measured words and
calculated responses into
freedom.
i’ve been found out. ish.
my fantasies slowly unraveling at the palm of your hands
the way my body wishes it could.
i’m stitching the carnal
Baubo, Iambi – they laugh at my shortcomings and remind me
it is okay to flinch at desire
for it is an openness
enough to let the light in,
enough for dreaming bears
to leave their caves.

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12.23.16
warmth and peculiarities
double over – simplicity repeated
quenching some kind of raw
i’m draining my cavities of illness
giving in to coddles and innocence
dear sweet tooth, i need bitters to survive
and you’re brave
unafraid of this diseases
but they don’t tell you
i’ve spent years turning pages
with an army of pens
building this imperial
metaphor.

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12.21.16
I can still feel the scars on my chest
from when you hung your body around my neck
your noose too polished,
too clean to be messy.

I’ve begun a dialogue with thoughts and feelings that both tickle
and thunder
within me

Your scars will not define me.

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12.21.16
this is the longest night of the year
the storm has come
roaring frivolities and accountability.
dust, humidity, broken frames
are amongst our exhales.
We empty, knowing the next breath is just around the corner.
Let the grief take over your heart your bones your bones your bones
are freezing with a sweetness cavity.
the present sends me shadows
of marker archetypes
the faces i still know, but have lost somewhere in translation.
this is okay.
feral is okay.
warmth is okay.
it’s okay, for optimism to hold the rains now
both shoes have dropped
and you saw the red-eye-bulls headed for your tumbling
early enough to spare your feet
the worst is over – growing pains are only the consequence of
capacity of feeling.
there is magic in the air, we can taste it.
sleep easy knowing someone finds answers in pages too.

i’m trying to learn the courage behind vulnerability. again.

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12.18.16
compassion’s pulled the rug from under me
waterworks and alligators slowly loosing their armor
ive been mending the wound
with bitterness and claims to futility
im too fool-ish to remain prideful
so i claim my wound
and dress it with tenderness.

this is what it looks like
when the person who kicked, who picked, and lives, is attached to your nose.
a huge hug, and one round of applause
you’ve made history.