Muse

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1.1.17
gaining momentum
one step backwards two step forwards
no need to re-invent the wheel here
this is just standard protocol
we build – we harness – we destroy
we repeat.
no longer lonely in our solitude,
we’ve made friends with our demons
looked them in the eye
and breathed compassion into their snarls
for now> i’m cold-ish
i know tricks that could boil your blood
a little chill never hurt the kick-back
and a shiver is much more appreciated when you
learn how to feed yourself first.
concrete jungle law dictates reality
manners out the window you lost in your wishes through
waiting for others to eat
can get you killed.

i can’t be saved. i’m not so frail.
there’s bite in my bark
and claw in my hand
but this wild-ish nature has learned sweetness
and theres purr behind the animal.
you don’t need to keep up
i’ve slowed down
and i’m not picking up speed anytime soon
learning canes can be batons
making gold out of timber.
King sitting on his Pentacles
i must hang my man
to better see my seven cups
temperance
will grant me death.

you get away with murder,
when you can have it all
do you speed up
or slow down?

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12.30.16
coupled paragraphs
you’re triple letter word twilight mind
sees me differently in the light.
i’m putty in your alphabet soup
slurping soft sifts of wonder,
how do you remember daylight?
C10H8 in my diaphragm
i’m breathing meaning behind words
you’re digging into parts
i’ve never untangled.
how can you already undress in me
colors ive never dared to visit?
go ahead. broaden my spectrum.

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12.27.16
DDay
there are worse things, you know?
realizations and tight chest
you play by the rules
a bit too well –
don’t touch me there, don’t touch me like that
don’t touch me.
shock value when you
are escorted from your conformable.

i was supposed to be collected by now
a level of simplified –
but a few stray teeth went wrong
knocked off routine i’m swerving
collecting pockets of old lovers
and building new inches for the upcoming seasons

quality intimacy.
i’ve spent too much time clinging to mercy
i’ve got time to kill in a taboo world.

fucking not cut out for predictability.

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12.24.16
a much needed sleep
im a fool guided off the cliff
knowing a collection of pillows
line the canals.
this darkness is not intimidating
instead it hums my tribulations a lullaby
soothes measured words and
calculated responses into
freedom.
i’ve been found out. ish.
my fantasies slowly unraveling at the palm of your hands
the way my body wishes it could.
i’m stitching the carnal
Baubo, Iambi – they laugh at my shortcomings and remind me
it is okay to flinch at desire
for it is an openness
enough to let the light in,
enough for dreaming bears
to leave their caves.

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12.23.16
warmth and peculiarities
double over – simplicity repeated
quenching some kind of raw
i’m draining my cavities of illness
giving in to coddles and innocence
dear sweet tooth, i need bitters to survive
and you’re brave
unafraid of this diseases
but they don’t tell you
i’ve spent years turning pages
with an army of pens
building this imperial
metaphor.

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12.20.16
nights divided
jay-n-birds twit twit cozy nuzzle
no mussel around my mouth
hears danger from anxious canids
they’re all mad.
but even as you caress my smooth and
cuddle my swoons
we know, there’s a $500.00 winner
all good intentions come with a price
you smell like copper coins and greed
maybe this reciprocity is best
when we only want what we can’t have
and I want you.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

thought i knew what i was doing,
but  im all wrong inside
so no, i don’t know what I’m doing to you.
i’ve given you fair warnings
my sweet

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12.19.20
we’re both swimming laps around my koan
i’m not re-inventing the wheel,
merely
rolling with the punches of honesty
pastoralist guiding oxygen into brittle lungs
they’ve been coveting Zyklon B
collapsed human
if you are to truly kill your idols
you must first renounce making me
so tall.
there are shades of monsters in me
and no, they are not all gray

forgive me

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11.16.16
i felt windshield and lethargy
three pecks and no perks for this wallflower
there’s a boom box booming from the wall
chopping grandmothers into
tofu and curry.

“you’re not vegan.”

you’re right. i’m not also
keen on staying in one place
working 9-5, cubicle cell, phone bull
my feet itch
your box gives me a history review
when i want to stitch
wrinkles in time
i have sold my soul
SugarDaddy gives me candy
and ive seen too much of taffy
to never forget the taste of

poison

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12.08.16

(4 A.M-7A.M)
a thump thump in the back of my skull
stiff neck, aching muscles and
broken skin.
two lovers – four beds
you’d think it was a full moon.

there’s no teeth here
no hackles raised.
i don’t want to know you,
feel your bed mold around my body like safe keep
your lips tracing fingers of perhaps in my nightstand.
humming a purr from my chest
how can satisfaction leave you so parched?

“to be idolized or recognized?”

 

Ostentatious II

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12.4.16
“and well, I lost it.”

I bite my tongue to not dismember yours.
Comfort and forgiveness are easier said than done
and no
It’s not okay.
Let the guilt hang from your ear like a poorly delivered shot –
you missed the mark. pathetic attempts at sensuality,
your body’s rusted with insecurity.
settle in it, little fish
before you try to play
with the big cats again

let that eere-ring weight down your inhibitions
sassafras roots and mimosa bark
been there done that.
chirp chirp pretty pet
eat off my hand and
feel it wrap around your throat.

i miss-judged your innocence for competency
and lost something valuable
greedy scavenger

i will not. be so foolish.

…………………………….

i’ve been caught in brambles
mistaken a war
for a battle
and laid down my sword. to soon.

i’ve destroyed, only fragments
and have left enough for shaky foundations
too much room to enter
there’s a beast that shows its teeth
King Kong barrels in rampage
Ishmael tells you about their wood
i roll with the punches
strokes and compassions
trying simply to
hold hands with myself.

my sincere condolences to the casualties of war.