Muse

~ admin

VELVET

6.15.20
for someone as pathologically secretive as me
the substance of things hoped for
and the evidence of things unseen defines
magic

youre another year around the sun
and im over the moon
in your garden
eden never tasted as pure
like your fingers on my lips are unsure
if they’re seeking to vibrate with moans
or swallow moral probity

i didn’t know i was speaking about you
when i agreed to re-write old chapters
time has a way
of making compost out of expectations

~ admin

HYDRA

5.30.20
self discovery isn’t always
about the most convenient ways
so far i have burned, learned, and yearned
the unexpected, the unusual, the unknown

when i said i had a thing for chefs
i never knew i meant
alphabetize your spice cabinet
pour lemon drops on my lips
watch them
burn between your teeth
are leaving marks on my skin

lovers i carry summer storms in my heart
i know the type of water that is
utterly, completely, an satisfyingly
perfect about the way i live
this completely unpredictable life
the way my nails are accented with dirt and action

nothing about me is clean
everything in me is pure

~ admin

DANCER

03.3.20
you didnt break me when
i caught you stargazing
you mistook a starfish for a comet
stillness was never
fire rushing towards you
there was nothing solid there

and in your carelessness
you cut off my arms
starfish made puck-comet-to-pebble

but you didn’t break me
starfish grow back

~ admin

DANCER

2.11.20
you leave nothing to the imagination
there is something about you
lacking subtlety

peacocks are exhausting –
with their plumage and high expectations
are getting old
splashing in the same pond when water
doesnt go any deeper
same ol’ tunes


~ admin

1.3.20

DANCER
youre my first and last fuck of two years
the first meal i cook with tenderness falls on your lap
with gratitude and grace
youre willingness and kindness
carving joy into my laughlines
sculpting me into better

i speak deeply of you – so far out of this world
hubble cant see reach

if i told you, she walks two steps away from my heart with every packed bag
every selfish action
things you sense but don’t know
the way my mother sense beauty in your presence
pride in our love

what would you do?

i want to tell you these things
how she breaks my heart everytime i leave
how i fought for a small place for you in our mirror
stained with shampoo and hair curling products
and i shatter at her silence
date nights turned half smiles her face only lit up with the shine of a cellphone screen
her fingers trace those keys more often than my skin
on my hands
cooking meals delivered to no one
throat too sore for a gentle goodmorning
but fingers willing for paragraph conversations elsewhere
i feel exiled from the first place that feels like home
pushed away to make room for someone else
every night feeling her presence more and more foreign

if i told you these things
would you rejoice? or would your heart brake with mine.
what kind of person are you.

~ admin

DANCER

12.22.19

im sorry i said waltz was stiff

What i meant to say was

you move like magic

and nobody, not even the rain

Can dampen how i feel for you

~ admin

FORTUNA

12.19.19
maybe i was too harsh, calling you an abuser like that
words have weight – after all
heavier than breathlessness in my chest cavity that
empty spot you carved in my navel
dagger eyes digging for answers
you dont know the questions too
its dark in there, darker than this black lip
this bruised cheek
you wear as a trophy
so much so a little
gas-slighting
to shine your way to some type of remorse

i digress
repentance has always been to much to ask of you
too selfish to see beyond
fires of your words
do you know what its like?
hiding the shame of my bruises from my friends
hiding the shame of incompetence at work
hiding the shame from my other lover

so yeah,
maybe i was too harsh

~ admin

FORTUNA

12.17.19
bending over backwards
head behind my spine
until my face hits the floor
this busted lip is as much
sadness and rage as
you throw at me
with the arm of someone
who doesn’t care who she burns

~ admin

DANCER
11.27.19
you call me collected
sweet boy
i live half in pixels, half in reality
when i tell you im mostly chlorophyll
i mean my brain has been rewired
by frogs in the amazon
jumping to new neurons
poisoning fear and all that’s
in-congruent
feel this water?
remember this dream
you lived it.

so easily dismissed a reality of other
more real than hussle bussle
keep this seed
water it
feed it heart songs and thought bubbles
beyond this threshold there is purity
a way of life
washed away the way water took you in
too me
too you
it’s nothing but synapses
you can train
to only stop at the right station
if you allow