JAGUAR
10.13.20
I’ve been giving thoughts to tension.
Trying to wrap my brain around that word, what was it? Contrarian? Combative? Opposing? The perfect mixture of over caffenation, old towns, and folk music. I guess it doesn’t really matter.
I’m starting to realize, I got this little fable of mine all wrong; you’ve always been more Emperor than Fool. What I saw in your eyes was less your beginning, and more an image of my own reflection. Call it Foolish yearning.
I should’ve know– I’ve always been the type of person who believes the most reckless thing we can do with our hearts, is to not be reckless with them at all. So yeah, I stomped my feet when you told me the brightest flames burn the quickest. See, when you saw us as a candle, I saw us as the Sun.
I look for patterns, because that’s what humans do to try and make sense of things. In hope of some star-like order. I look for gravity in phrases, play Russian Roulette with your playlists, watch for symbols in the things I read, points and swirls that my match my own. But the real pattern there is, is the one I make when I hold up a mirror. And reflect.
Being gifted doesn’t mean you’ve been given something. It means you have something to give. So, I guess I should say, I’m sorry. I saw in you something seed, and yearned to grow it not realizing I was never given permission.
Well…. more like, ignoring your shouts of protest. And look, this isn’t an excuse, but have you ever met a fox who didn’t ignore fences? I closed my ears to the “stand back”, “don’t get too close”, “keep your distance”. I hear you now, and I guess I’ll resign myself to continue making the world beautiful simply by refusing to lie about it.