BOOT.S.TRAPS
10.14.20
How quickly my heart-tides turn;
I have until the hour I die to feel all the things I want to feel, do all the things I want to do, speak all the words I want to say. It sounds less and less fair the older I get, so if you’ll excuse me (this is a polite command, not a request) I’ll be on my way now.
Don’t look at me with war in your eyes. This is a white flag. When you snarl “how many times can your heart break?!” I will bite back with “as many times as it can heal.”
No, I will never hate you. But once you meet people like us, you’ll know there are things in this world that sting more than hate. Hate is anger over something lost, hate is passion, hate is misguided, it’s caring for the wrong things but it is still caring.
Indifference? Indifference is to unkiss, to unremember, to unhold, to undream, to undo everything that ever was and leave smooth stone behind in its wake.
No Fire.
No Earthquakes.
No Fury.
Just, Nothing.
And that is worse than hate.
So, on the days you drag me by the hand, yelling, “This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this!”
I will yank my hand back, put it on my heart and say, “No. This is what’s important.”
I’m done playing tug-o-war with ambivalence. You keep your rope, I captain a fine ship without it thank-you-very-much.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.
I pull back because you lack gratitude.
So yeah, it’s personal.