GARFIELD

4.20.20
i still don’t know what i was afraid off
keys are never lost
when you are your own lock keeper
splitting the bed
with nothing but my own spine
i alone dream this room
making life a place of my choosing
less imprisoned in the illusion of control

the subtlety of codependency
can be felt in the most mundane actions
giving your power away – so someone else can make your coffee
and no it s not daunting for things to change so quickly
when ive been living with the uncertainty of her
tsunamis for the past year
it is a comfort to sleep without earthquakes

its no secrete
what happens to you is far less important
than what you make it.
nothing lasts forever which is exactly why everything matters
so i choose emotional disarmament
practice compassion and kindness
equally important
defusing panic, and confusion
things filling hearts with fights which cut us open
instead of opening us up

i don’t think it’s fruitful for me
or the people around me
to be whipped into a state of agitation

forgiveness comes naturally
now that ive learned to re-read old chapters
without turning them to skeletons

GARFLIED

4.15.20
let this be a lesson to you all
never assume the life you had is the life you’ll have going forward

look at that – look at what you’ve done little fox
tapping into your magic
you re-write your blueprint
everything comes at a price
this start line is also so your finish line, so here it is.
hold your losses close
hug them to your chest
suffocate them with your fear your longing
that anticipatory sadness you are
so familiar with
hold them so close to melancholy you can
only gasp them into shaking breaths

love them more dearly and tenderly than you ever have before
and when you’re done holding on
when your shoulders hurt from carrying them
when your arms are sore from lifting and your fingers are cramped fists

let go

dancer
no one is ever fully graceful – miss-steps happen.
I don’t resent you
breath me out now.

apollo
who taught me healing cuts deep
you bled me
left me lonely
looking in the mirror it was you who made me fall in love with insides

fortuna
reading this hurts – avert your gaze if you wish
the small fox on the shelf was never truly tender
there was never effort to build bridges – sever that tie
you chose to know me less and less