FORTUNA
1.17.17
The fucking nerve
Maybe there’s a cynicism to heartbreak
Maybe this is where the balance tips the scale.
These arms that held me so warmly
have become
cold cages.
I’m aching to break free –
Back to her, back the them,
Back anywhere, really.
Clarity isnecessary
And you’ve done a poor job,
At setting expectations.
Disappointment is the least patient of my furies.
And dearest, she’s already growing away from you.
FORTUNA
2.16.17
1.16.17
JACK-LIEN
You were only supposed to be
A notable alternative
To the best option at hand
But I can’t lie.
These arms have held me
More together
Than any fortune
Has ever tried.
Between sorrow and fame,
What if we go all the way?
You know nothing –
You know more, you see more
Than I could wish for.
Perhaps this is the way it all unravels
Perhaps you will never know
The mess I’ve made of our story
Perhaps you will only know the joy
The laughter, the tenderness
The adoration which you’ve harbored,
You will never know,
My eyes were once kelidoscope,
You will look at me, and only see
Your reflection mirrored back.
You’re not wrong.
You’ve been the only one,
To take the leap,
Granted,
Unknowing
You’ve taken me in full.
Perhaps this IS our fortune
Our story will only be happy
Perhaps then
There will be no ending.
The End.
2.15.17
VELVET
On second thought
Perhaps I held on
Too tight
To the ropes holding my undoing
That I may be
More wise than happy
Is only fair
As long as we enthrall
In the kindness of all wethrawls
JACK-LIEN
1.15.16
Root canals without
Laughing gas
But I’ve got a sweet tooth for you
Ripping the enamel from my bones
Taking my heartbreak in your hands
And soothing it to hum
These late-night tumbles lead to early afternoon coffe dates
You’ve made a picnic of my sorrow
Dinning into me ravenous
Sinking your teeth
In the most vulnerable parts of my sensitivities
So who is wolf, and who is lamb now?
You know nothing,
Yet I’m giving you everything.
Is this overflow of openness
A symptom of disaster?
Or I’m I
Falling for
The lamb that ate the wolf.
1.14.17
FOX AND HOUND
i miss you like teeth misses the limbless
im parchment paper at your paper plane
drawing circles around myself
hoping to take flight somewhere between
heartbreak and growth.
if you expected nothing
who holds the door for mercy?
i guess expectation locked that window
on our fingers
it’s never been any different
perhaps all roads led to Rome
– perhaps
im some Vesuvius
and you some type of Pompeii
clinging to the statues of your last breath.
Lover – everything is temporary
forgive me
but if being an advocate of truth
makes me an agent of sadness
i’ll lick my own wounds with salt water and belly spasms
before i renounce any heartbeat.
i will cry for you,
i will mourn,
i will pity my case
and fall on my knees as i am.
i will also long,
wish desperately and hold you in another bed…
for a while at least.
but lover,
because we know the power of our hearts,
better than anyone else,
i will never stop loving.
i will learn better kindness,
i will learn some type of clarity,
and when i finally learn to recognize
the ground ive crashed into –
i will learn to get up
and welcome the next stumble with open arms.
1.13.16
FOX AND HOUND
i told you
i have a soft spot for beings who do not know their own worth, come on in
side my heart
is made of kerosene and fiberglass
im kneeling on cut-throat
trying to understand where the lines are drawn.
turning pages hoping to find an answer
you made this legend but when you called me fire
i never saw you kindling
it never meant you, never meant goodbye.
never meant for stories to be cut short or missed to soon
so dont fucking tell me
i dont know how to hold.
2.12.17
FOX AND HOUND
your sent’s unfamiliar
old poplars and new twine
the one i tie you with
kissing my feet
you don’t know what my soul
has stepped on.
is this truth, or a mask?
it’s instinctive, that we know.
with you – the role bows at our play
we’re mastermind and charm
power couple – let’s build bridges,
and watch them burn down.
1.8.17
4:00 AM
This is a nightmare
Terrors and cold sweats paralysis
Making the panting breathless
Gut feelings and
Sinking ships
I’m bland spaghetti
Mixed and scrambled – untie me
Building knots in my spine
With the weight of these trays
Muffled, muddled, mussle with
Expectations
When your favorite pillow
Breaks your neck
Asking the clock to tick faster
Get this over with
Slower I
Need more
Time I
Can’t move with the pull of all these strings
JACK-LIEN
2.6.17
don’t look at me
doe-eyed and tender
like the shine behind the glimmer isn’t anything
but naivety.
i told you – i won’t lie to you
i will tell you, all that is well and good
drawing wishes in the sand
we could be pebbles
it would be like that
i hold you humbly
whisper untainted truths in your ear
we consume each other
we are cursed with each other’s company
complacency and routine
that’s all we’d know
until it isn’t
one day ripping the sheep’s shirt from my
snarl.
that shit’s heavy
soaked wool and dodging bullets
you deserve better than these
cold-calls and coffee dates cut short.
an avalanche of conscience
you’ve come in tumbling.
BOOT(S)TRAPS
2.6.17
catching up to co-unt
monte-cristo gives me a penny
for every thought
id well-wished have
so we stretch
thinly breaking into lanterns
i’m blanket pour out of stability
too much
too many
too heavy
i’m not ready for
the in-pour out put of expectation.
there’s not enough time in the world
to hold my wishes
in sync.
FORTUNA
2.5.17
slurring slingshots my way
i know red flags when i see them
better than anyone