1.2.17
these numbers don’t make sense
night time whispers
i’m learning to encrypt deeper –
when there’s breath on my back
smoldering in.
we’re not all cruelty and maliciousness
sometimes our fumbles are the product
of something more human.
consolidation – shared habits
there’s a baseline for all these places
my world would brake you
all primal and volatile
it’s these routines
that soothe.
creating new avenues pot/kettle.
To call a thing by its proper name
the way i see it.
1.1.17
gaining momentum
one step backwards two step forwards
no need to re-invent the wheel here
this is just standard protocol
we build – we harness – we destroy
we repeat.
no longer lonely in our solitude,
we’ve made friends with our demons
looked them in the eye
and breathed compassion into their snarls
for now> i’m cold-ish
i know tricks that could boil your blood
a little chill never hurt the kick-back
and a shiver is much more appreciated when you
learn how to feed yourself first.
concrete jungle law dictates reality
manners out the window you lost in your wishes through
waiting for others to eat
can get you killed.
i can’t be saved. i’m not so frail.
there’s bite in my bark
and claw in my hand
but this wild-ish nature has learned sweetness
and theres purr behind the animal.
you don’t need to keep up
i’ve slowed down
and i’m not picking up speed anytime soon
learning canes can be batons
making gold out of timber.
King sitting on his Pentacles
i must hang my man
to better see my seven cups
temperance
will grant me death.
you get away with murder,
when you can have it all
do you speed up
or slow down?
12.30.16
coupled paragraphs
you’re triple letter word twilight mind
sees me differently in the light.
i’m putty in your alphabet soup
slurping soft sifts of wonder,
how do you remember daylight?
C10H8 in my diaphragm
i’m breathing meaning behind words
you’re digging into parts
i’ve never untangled.
how can you already undress in me
colors ive never dared to visit?
go ahead. broaden my spectrum.
12.29.16
Oh hush shut up
you will come through, things will change, and you’ll be fine
or
you won’t come through, things will change, it will be hard, then you’ll be fine.
there’s a strength in your powered by
“hardest road.”
maybe things don’t have to be hard anymore
maybe effort and ease requires a bit less effort
a bit more
breath.
it is okay.
12.28.16 – night
i have made
a terrible decision.
12.28.16
im being explored
trying to hide behind curtains
but “a creature of habit
has no real protection”
so you can find me
behind pages of outstretched stories i’ve spread in time
to savor.
one
bite
at a time.
12.27.16 – Night
discernment
learning when to turn left
learning which way is up
and when to walk away.
i can tell you
sing the right keys
and dance the dances that will guarantee survival
in a concrete bed, in a trashcan dinner buffet.
But this, this… This slide show, neon light, climbing wall luxury is too
x.co/mplicated
i am afraid
to take up space and fail.
12.27.16
DDay
there are worse things, you know?
realizations and tight chest
you play by the rules
a bit too well –
don’t touch me there, don’t touch me like that
don’t touch me.
shock value when you
are escorted from your conformable.
i was supposed to be collected by now
a level of simplified –
but a few stray teeth went wrong
knocked off routine i’m swerving
collecting pockets of old lovers
and building new inches for the upcoming seasons
quality intimacy.
i’ve spent too much time clinging to mercy
i’ve got time to kill in a taboo world.
fucking not cut out for predictability.
12.24.16
a much needed sleep
im a fool guided off the cliff
knowing a collection of pillows
line the canals.
this darkness is not intimidating
instead it hums my tribulations a lullaby
soothes measured words and
calculated responses into
freedom.
i’ve been found out. ish.
my fantasies slowly unraveling at the palm of your hands
the way my body wishes it could.
i’m stitching the carnal
Baubo, Iambi – they laugh at my shortcomings and remind me
it is okay to flinch at desire
for it is an openness
enough to let the light in,
enough for dreaming bears
to leave their caves.
12.23.16
warmth and peculiarities
double over – simplicity repeated
quenching some kind of raw
i’m draining my cavities of illness
giving in to coddles and innocence
dear sweet tooth, i need bitters to survive
and you’re brave
unafraid of this diseases
but they don’t tell you
i’ve spent years turning pages
with an army of pens
building this imperial
metaphor.